


Suffocating

by Aniveous



Category: Nemesis - April Daniels
Genre: Abusive Parents, Again, Canon Trans Character, Danny Gets Traumatised, F/F, Found Family, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Health Issues, Post-Sovereign (Nemesis), Psychological Trauma, Robo Mom, author will also try to add more later, title might possibly change, uhhhhh author isn't all that sure how to tag
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-25
Updated: 2020-02-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:40:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22894207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aniveous/pseuds/Aniveous
Summary: Danny just wanted a break for a few months. A few months to settle into Legion Tower and to go to therapy and sort things out in her head. But maybe that was too much to ask. Maybe she didn't deserve a break. Maybe she deserved to be here, in the dark, with only her nightmares for company.
Relationships: Doc Impossible & Danielle "Danny" Tozer | Dreadnaught, Sarah | Calamity/Danielle "Danny" Tozer | Dreadnaught
Comments: 1
Kudos: 6





	Suffocating

She could feel the darkness. Pressing down on her from all sides. It was suffocating, like her world was being muffled by a giant blanket. She couldn't feel anything (but the darkness), because there was nothing to touch (but the darkness). She couldn't see anything (but the darkness), because there was nothing to see ( _but the darkness_ ).

A shudder wracked Danny's spine, but it wasn't cold- it wasn't warm, either. It was this strange sense of _nothing._ It wasn't an average temperature. It simply wasn't there. Have you ever been in a room without temperature? That's neither hot nor cold nor somewhere in between? Even space was cold, but this darkness…

It was just _nothing._

Maybe that's what scared her most. If she was sinking in nothing (sinking, or floating? Drifting? Lying completely still?), if there truly was _nothing_ , then was she apart of the nothing as well? Did she even exist anymore? Was she dead?

If this was death, then it would get boring quickly. Imagine spending eternity in darkness, without even any cold or warmth to make things interesting. Was she breathing? She tried to focus on her breath, on the rise and fall of her chest, the inflate and deflate of her lungs, but found it oddly difficult. As though she wasn't entirely there. When she tried to check her pulse, the same thing happened. She couldn't find it, but only because she couldn't find _anything_ \- it was like she couldn't sense her own body.

Danny gave up. Maybe she _was_ dead, then. She tried to think back, tried to remember how this had happened, but came up with nothing. She hoped it wasn't an embarrassing death, at least. Had she been fighting a blackcape? Was there some kind of accident? Did someone sneak in and slit her throat while she slept?

She kind of doubted the last one, considering the security the tower had. Doc had hooked herself up to it and would have sounded the alarm the moment something was out of place. Unless she hadn't noticed it. Unless something had happened to her.

Danny's chest twisted with surprising painfulness and she thought she might be sick- she wondered where it would go, if that happened. Doc was fine. She _had_ to be fine. Nothing and no one could get past her defences, and even if her body was destroyed, she could just make herself a new one. There was backup after backup to make sure she couldn't be killed- maybe put out of commission temporarily, but never killed.

Relaxing at her own reassurance, Danny took a few deep breaths- except she still wasn't breathing, or at least she still wasn't _sure_ whether or not she was breathing. She grunted, frustrated. She _felt_ herself grunting- or maybe she just thought she did- but she wasn't all that certain she was actually hearing herself.

She started talking, to nothing and to no one, about whatever came to her mind first. She tried clapping to see if _that_ would make any proper sound, but everything was off and uncoordinated and she wasn't even sure whether or not she had brushed one hand against the other.

Eventually, she gave up and just let herself drift- sink- lie completely and utterly still. She wasn't sure which way was up and which way was down. There was no ground beneath her. It was almost like she was in water, except this was definitely _not_ water. Just nothing and nothing and more nothing.

Nothing but the darkness.

Suffocating her.

* * *

Time was nothing, but it was also everything.

If there was one thing to exist within nothing, it had to be time, right? There was no killing time. No matter where you were or who you were or _what_ , you couldn't escape it. It was ingrained into everything. Even the nothing.

It might have been the only thing that existed in the darkness (besides, of course, the darkness itself; Danny was beginning to wonder if even _she_ counted as existing like this). But at the same time, it was almost completely impossible to track. She didn't sleep- or at least, she didn't think she did- and she didn't grow hungry either. Hours could have passed, but it also could've been minutes, days, seconds.

She tried counting in her head. She lost count somewhere in the five thousand six hundreds and started again. It was the only thing keeping her from going insane. Although perhaps she'd already gone insane. Maybe it would explain a few things.

So the top two winning chances were that she was either dead or insane. Wonderful. Brilliant. Absolutely fantastic. Who would've guessed? She had no idea which one she preferred.

Neither, obviously, but sometimes that's not an option.

Danny might have huffed then, but it was hard to say. She closed her eyes (unless they were already closed?) and for the thousandth time tried to focus on the lattice. It was _there_ \- she was sure it was, it had to be- but it was so far and dim that it might as well had not been. She tried to grip it, to urge it closer, to urge _herself_ closer, but it was difficult to say whether or not she'd even made a centimetre of progress.

It was the only thing there for her to do, really. So she kept at it, again and again and again and again, pushing herself perhaps a bit dangerously- but she felt no pain, so she had no reason to stop.

Until, of course, the lattice disappeared again.

Danny whispered a shaky swear (unless she didn't whisper anything at all). Something settled heavily over her chest. Was this it? Was this all there was? Nothing, nothing and more nothing? Just endless darkness? Maybe she would fade away as well, just like the lattice, fade away until she was nothing as well. That might be better, really, than eternity like this.

She wished Doc were here. Or Sarah. They'd know what to do. They always knew what to do. The only thing Danny was ever good for was punching stuff.

But they weren't here. Maybe that was a good thing.

She existed ( _if_ she existed) in the nothing. Lost.

And very, very afraid.

**Author's Note:**

> Short but I think I'm happy with it.
> 
> Hope anyone who reads this enjoys ::)
> 
> The title might change jkdak


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